I’m Scared, I Would Be Lying If I Said I Wasn’t. Am I Worthy of Saving?

I have been debating whether to post this blog post for a few weeks. Then, I thought many people probably won’t know or understand, the current worrying situation that many chronically ill/disabled people face, and I believe they need to.

I’m scared, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. Am I worthy of saving?
Disabled /chronically ill people are actually just as important as able bodied people. However, this isn’t how we are being treated. Should I or another disabled/chronically ill person need a ventilator during this Coronavirus crisis I believe we would be at the bottom of the list.

I am a person just like anyone else but just because I have mobility issues and some illnesses, is my life less worthy? Less valuable?

Hannah living pre Covid-19

I know we hope the requirement for intensive care (ICU) beds and ventilators, will not be needed at full capacity. We hope patients will not have to be prioritised, however it is possibility. Can we just sit back and hope they don’t?

Nobody knows the full scope of this terrible illness. Will there be a second wave of the virus?

Initially, it was the clinical fragility scale (CFS) that was suggested to be used to determine treatment. It was suggested that if you had a score of 5 or above there was uncertainty around the benefits of ICU. I would score moderately frail-6 or severely frail-7 on the CFS. There are many tasks such as climbing stairs on score 6 I can’t do, so I imagine I would be described at score 7 out of 9. However, my lungs and most organs are good and I wouldn’t describe myself as ‘frail’. After huge outrage I believe it has been determined that this scale is not suitable for younger people with stable long-term disabilities, but it does still count for people with underlying health problems. How can you differentiate? Sometimes the two intermingle.

More recently, Disability rights have written an open letter to NHS England ‘stating the need for the rights of disabled people to be upheld during Coronavirus’ nearly 2000 people including myself have signed it.

I believe that currently I should be treated equally. But I am worried, my life will be in their hands. I can’t help thinking my treatment may hugely vary depending on the hospital and knowledge; furthermore, if it really came to it, doctors might not think it is worth it. If a decision is done on an individual case, one doctor’s decision may vary considerably to another.


Two and a half weeks ago, Easter Sunday was a poignant anniversary for us as a family. Nine years since my dear brother died. No parent should loose a child. Are we saying that my parents might have to bury both their children in their 20’s? Whilst I don’t currently have covid 19 and appreciate that a ventilator is not a guarantee on saving someones life, if I got covid 19 and required a ventilator but was denied one, it may have been prevented. My life may have been saved. I along with others with chronic illnesses/disabilities may not of been given the CHANCE that makes the difference between life and death.

Take care 💜
Hannah x