What One Thing You Wish Non-Disabled People Knew Or Understood

On Friday 1st April 2022 I randomly decided to ask my twitter followers: ‘What one thing would you like non-disabled people to know or understand?’ It was a blog post idea I spontaneously came up with and went with. I was quite surprised with the responses. Thirty-two people commented on what one thing they would like non disabled people to know or understand. I had 31 retweets, 3 quoted tweets and 25 likes too.

The Key Message of: What One Thing Disabled People Wish Non-Disabled People Knew Or Understood

There were some common themes, on which I feel the take home message is asking people to be kind, believe us and don’t judge. Especially, around invisible disabilities and variable disabilities. Furthermore, we are all individuals and disability is not the same for all of us.

Talk to us, we are people. Please offer to help, but accept if people turn it down. Sometimes we learn new or alternative ways to do things. Generally, we have to, there are so many barriers in society if we didn’t, we wouldn’t get anywhere. Don’t get me wrong this can be extremely challenging, but our life is about adapting.

Another topic is the stereotypical view of wheelchairs. I am not saying being a wheelchair user is easy, and adapting to being a wheelchair user can be very difficult mentally, and something some people struggle with more than others. Nevertheless, your life is NOT over when you become a wheelchair user. For many it enables them to live. It gives them freedom. For me, I would not only mainly be bedbound and certainly confined to my house without my powerchair. I would not be able to go out in the world. I would have a far lower quality of life not using a powerchair. It is a positive.

One Thing I Wish Non-Disabled People Understood

I think if I needed to add one point of my own, I would like non-disabled people to know or understand it would be that just because I use a wheelchair doesn’t mean that my brain doesn’t work. This is something that I struggle to comprehend, but something society often seems to believe. I appreciate that some disabled people are mentally not as able, but most disabled people are just as able mentally as non-disabled people. Either way though you shouldn’t treat us as if we are stupid.

Comments I Received From Others On Twitter

Below are some of the thirty-two comments I received on Twitter. To see them all click on the Twitter link:

#DisabilityTwitter I am writing a blog post looking at educated non disabled people. What one thing would you like non disabled people to know/understand? Reply to this tweet or DM me. Please RT.#blogging

— Hannah Deakin (@HannahEDeakin) April 1, 2022

Victoria Scholes (Legally Powered)

I would like them to understand that when you are talking about your disability or how it affects you and they say I totally understand they really don’t. Unless they have similar struggles, it’s hard to imagine. It would be like me saying I understand what it’s like to be blind.

Mik Scarlet

That disabled people shouldn’t be pitied and becoming disabled is not the end of things. It’s the start of a new stage of life, doing things differently yes, but the fear of life being over is totally unfounded. 

& Using a wheelchair is liberating not giving in.

Holly Turke (Life Of A Blind Girl)

Being disabled doesn’t make me “brave”. Striving to achieve my goals and living the life I want to doesn’t mean I’m overcoming my disability; it makes me human.

Gaia Redgrave 

Just because you can’t see it and because it’s not your lived experience doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist (or that I am lying / exaggerating). It’s real and has a huge impact on life.

Danielle Kempe

Disability is a spectrum & most wheelchair users are ambulatory. On the 2nd, they still need the wheelchair and are not “faking”.

Grammy5

Your tired today because of lack of sleep is nothing compared to the daily debilitating fatigue I experience. You really don’t “understand”. Gaining/Losing weight will not make me better. Neither will your MLM supplement. We are not lazy. It’s not “all in our head”.

Abby

How varied disability is and we’re all individuals that deal/cope in different ways, just because there one example of someone doing something doesn’t mean we all can.

Lindsay Laugh

That they should never EVER park in a disabled bay, not even to ‘JUST NIP’ into the shop or use the ATM, or if it’s dark (some of us go out even when it’s dark)!

Jo Nash

Disability is not always visible. And yes, it does matter if you park there just for 5 minutes.

Caroline B

Lots of invisible disabilities exist. Never touch my wheelchair. I probably do want help with some doors, so in a non-patronising way you can ask. Don’t assume I need help. If they have businesses, they should have ramps. There are loads of inaccessible places.

Katy Evans

I want them to know a wheelchair is a tool of liberation not imprisonment and please stop the awful jokes about speeding/ having a license/ running them over/ asking for a ride 🙄

Unwanted Life

Invisible disabilities can take years to be diagnosed.

Just because you can’t see someone’s disability it doesn’t mean they don’t have one.

Alison Glasspool

Certain things are harder for a person with a disability. It doesn’t mean that they can’t do the “thing”, it’s just they may have developed different ways to do something that non disabled people do that’s ‘normal’ in society. Celebrate diversity & don’t always try to fix disability.

Poppy

That we’re not all the same. It’s not one size fits all. We are all different and we all have different needs. If you want to know what those needs are, ask, don’t guess. We won’t be offended and you might be surprised.

Rev Caroline Beckett

For a lot of us, our energy/capacity varies widely. Don’t assume all our days are the same. What I can do Monday may be impossible on Tuesday. Sometimes I use a stick, sometimes a buggy or chair, sometimes I can’t get out of bed. Don’t try to ‘catch us out’. Not faking: variable.

Michelle Reitman

We can do things. It may take longer than ” normal” or in a different way, but we’re able to do it.

My sister who lost her sight at age 42 always said, “I lost my sight, not my intelligence.”

Lucy Bowley

Just remember that before the parent of a disabled person can go out for an ‘evening off’ they have worked really hard to prepare everything in the home, arranged carers, meds out. You can’t just leave them home even when they are adults.

Dominique

I would like for them to know that a disabled lifestyle does not mean an ignorant lifestyle full of bad choices just because we are disabled. 😲 #MyDisabledLifeIsWorthy

Tim Rourke

Ask ‘do you need help?’ rather than ‘can I do (this thing) for you?’

The first gives me control, the second takes it away

The first is easy to say, ‘no thanks, I’m fine’ the 2nd makes me have to change your mind as to what I actually need!

This is my body; I manage it well!

Nicki Berry

It’s okay to ask if I need help. If I decline, it doesn’t mean I’m being stubborn or independent. It probably means I know something you don’t about the situation and it’s easier to do it myself. Do NOT push me without warning. You will hurt me!

Summary

I hope by including a collection of the comments made, it gives a more accurate view of lots of disabled people’s thoughts and feelings rather than just my own.

To me, I feel I can relate to virtually every point, and they are all valuable points. I feel people’s frustrations coming through and the longing for people to understand and learn.

What one thing would you like non disabled people to know/understand? Let me know in the comments.

If you are non-disabled have you learnt something? Can you pave the way as a leading example to others?

Hannah x

You might be interested in reading: Helpful Tips When Talking to Wheelchair Users and Disabled People