14 Years of Health & 14 Years of Disability

I turned 28 at the end of February and now the beginning of March, marks 14 years since my injury. 14 years of being unwell and disabled. Half my life. 14 years of being able bodied and 14 years of being ill.

It is emotional to think about it. To think of everything that has happened in those years. To think where those years have gone.

To think how my life would have been. It is so very different. It is hard. I have not had the general course I would have taken, that my friends and peers have. I have not gone to university, achieved a great career, met the love of my life, got married, had my own place or started a family.

Although it is unfair to generalise and I am only 28, there is still the potential for some of those things to happen, there is more uncertainty, due to my health and disability, than there is for others.

It is almost like going through a grieving process. You are grieving for the life you have not had, or missed out on. Although, nobodies life goes 100% according to plan. There are bumps and hurdles in the way and changes of direction. Having a life changing disability is of a whole different level. Loosing your independence and mobility. Being dependent on others and needing 24 hour care.

On a positive note, if I look back, I have come so far, from really just ‘existing’ bedbound; to now ‘living’ as a wheelchair user. A person.

That is not to say things are easy, there are still hours of daily physiotherapy, appointments, battles, paperwork and administration. Prejudice and living a very different life. Not forgotting the pain, spasms, exhaustion and well attempting – not always very successfully–pacing. On top of a lot of things that go on behind the scenes.

It is almost like you need to come to terms with what has happened. Accept it, then try and learn to live your life to the best of your ability.

That is not easy though. Some people can do it. Cope with it, and others can’t. It can depend on people’s personalities, attitudes, support systems as well as the options that then open up for them, or they manage to create.

These experiences change you. Hopefully, in to a better person. I know in my life, I have had a lot of life experience. These experiences have shaped me into who I am today. I would not have understood how it felt to be disabled, the battles that come with it, to spend years as a teenager in hospital, to have seen some of the heart renching situations, to loose my dear brother, to see the way alzheimers can destroy someone’s life.

They have made me realise the importance of life more and appreciate what I have. Made me more determined, assertive, wanting to make a difference, or impact more and fight for equality and accessibility.

It has given me a better understanding of the world, different situations, some that no one should have to see or go through, perception and compassion. It has given me the intuition that many people would not have, let alone someone of my age. It has shown me how a little kindness makes a huge difference. It doesn’t cost anything, but can be so valuable to receive.

I have done things that I would not have done including: setting up a blog; finding my creative side more, with making my cards to raise money for Starlight Children’s Foundation; I have been presented to HRH The Countess of Wessex and I have met some incredible people along my journey, who I am now proud to call friends. I have studied AAT part time and ironically on the 14th anniversary of my injury last week got my results from my final exam and found out that I had passed, so am now qualified and I got a distinction overall! (Almost like someone saying, that maybe the case but look what you have achieved!) I have driven supported around the Silverstone track – to which Dad was very jealous – on my first ever driving attempt! I have become a disability ambassador for White Lodge and do speeches rasing awareness of disability and White Lodge, and I have done a TEDx speech to name just a few.

If you would like watch my TEDX speech click here.

There are positives and negatives in most things. Some days it is easy to be positive whilst other days it is not. But I suppose that is life and how we are made!

What does the future hold for me? I don’t know. We will have to wait and see! Let’s hope the future is bright, the future is positive.

Hannah x